Is this it?

What is life?

Life is like a big obstacle

put in front of your optical to slow you down

And everytime you think you gotten past it

it's gonna come back around and tackle you to the damn ground

What are friends?

Friends are people that you think are your friends

But they really your enemies, with secret indentities

and disguises, to hide they true colors

So just when you think you close enough to be brothers

they wanna come back and cut your throat when you ain't lookin

What is money?

Money is what makes a man act funny

Money is the root of all evil

Money'll make them same friends come back around

swearing that they was always down

What is life?

I'm tired of life

I'm tired of backstabbing ass snakes with friendly grins

I'm tired of committing so many sins......

Growing up.... yes we all must do it, become responsible... but what for? To stress over money and bills. To constantly worry if there is going to be enough money for this and for that? I was too quick to embrace my life as an adult. To be honest it sucks and I am not even offically there yet. The freedom is nice, but at what cost? No social life because you have to work all day to pay the bills. Eat, Sleep and Work? The cruel, yet tolerable cycle. Great that is exactly the life I wanted. And rent? Rent sucks. Fighting with your roomate over rent sucks too, even more. Especially for me, cause I am not exactly on the "knowing" page of adulthood.
It is way to early in the morning and once again my brain is thinking a million thoughts a minute, allowing me to lie in bed next to Rob listening to his inconsistent rythyms of snoring. So I decide to blog, maybe this will help my brain slow down a bit.

Ok.... So being an adult.... it doesn't appear to be that great. They always appear to be bitchy and stressed about something. I am enough of a bitch on my own, I don't need to get worse.

Being compared to someone else... please do not compare me to other people, because I am not. I am jsut me. So whatever those other people did, I may not do the same thing. And looking like someone doesn't make me like them. I am just me... love me or hate me.. you choose.

Money. I am so sick to my stomach just thinking about it. I know I have to call my roomate and tell her, "Hey guess what I have even less of the rent money then I said I had..." yeah she is gonna hate me. I beleive September will be better, I will have a chnace to what is called BUDGETING..... but until then.... it is not gonna be pretty.

I am supposed to see my mom, and I am so excited, but scared. Can I honestly handle seeing her, and then chance her taking it all away again? Can I do that? I would love to say I can. That I am strong enought to survive the fire that is my mother. I know that I could if Rob was there with me. But he will be in London, no longer my security blanket, not there to hold my hand, and keep my heart safe from her. So now it comes down to is it worth it... do I risk it? ...... Hells Yeah! Why? Because seeing Marnie and Zack once, is better than not seeing them at all.

Work... work.... work. I am beginning to hate my job just as much as I love it. I am feeling bored and under challenged, so I don't try, don't make my goals and I get in trouble, forcing me to try on the surface, but yet underneath it all I just hate it more. I love who I work with, they have been awesome, and super supportive in everything... just the work itself sucks. people should not come into my store if they have no desire to buy anything. Please do not waste my time, and yours, trying things on, only to leave me, giving me nothing to do then to put away everything you just tried on. I'll pass thanks.

So it is Saturday.... Rob leaves Tuesday morning. **crying now** I am unsure why.

I want to scream:

"BABY don't go, Don't leave me, stay here and protect me from this world."

But it would be useless. This experience for him, filled with learning and new adventures and new friends is a journey he must take. He must go, grow up himself, and better his future, and I am so proud of him. I know that I can't hide behind him, I must face the world and make choices for myself. I am just gonna miss him so damn much. The idea of being without him for even a day brings tears to my eyes. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.... I believe it true. But in order for me to love him more I am gonna need a new heart, or a new body part of some kind. Because I already love him with every part of me. So Monday night I will say goodbye and I will smile because I know he loves my smile, as goofy as it is. I will wait till I return to my new place, all lonely and cold, and then I will shed my tears. (Baby, Study hard, have fun, but come home soon... I am counting the days till I see you again) **still crying**

Well my baby is downstairs sleeping and I am gonna go and watch him sleep. Every minute with him is important. Man I am Lame.... could I be anymore lovestruck? haha Nope, doubt it.

I shall write more soon, I love you all. xoxoxoxox

-Nat-a-lee giggled about a boy at 10:58 AM Girly Giggles [ .]

Life brings unexpected surpirses that will make you smile

The time has come!

Ok... short blog.....

Well folks... the time has come for Rob to leave for school.... he leaves on Tuesday. I am going to cry and miss him, but I am so proud of him! I know he will do so well and have such a blast, that I ACTUALLY am thinking about College too! Yeah I know SCARY! I love him sooo much it is gonna be hard to not have him around... to sleep by myself. OH MY GOD..... my sexlife is going to DIE! ... this is bad... very bad.... hahahaha

And the BIG NEWS: I AM GOING TO SEE MY MOM on wednesday! Yes folks.. it has been almost 2 years since I have seen her and my brother and sister. I am so excited and scared at the same time! Taking the bus to vist her.... I am not going to say anymore, I don't want to jinx it. I will write more after it happens!

xoxoxoxox

-Nat-a-lee giggled about a boy at 9:21 PM Girly Giggles [ .]

Life brings unexpected surpirses that will make you smile

Chilling like a villian

Hello All,
Well I would love to type about how interesting my life.... and all the fun stuff I have been doing... but that would be lies.
I have a really nasty cold right now, and it sucks my ass big time! I hate being sick. But it seems that right now it is one thing after another... I just keep getting something new. Maybe it is not enough sleep, not eating right, and STRESS. But I am working on all that stuff.
Rob and I are so in love it is sickening... hahaha even to me! Ok, you already know that, but him and I have been having these talks, and we just grow closer together. I mean we can finish eachothers senteces. I LOVE IT! I can look into his eyes and know what he is thinking and he can tell what I am thinking too. It is so crazy. I was so blind to not notice the connection we have. It is on so many levels. It isn't just phyiscal, or sexual, but emotional and spirtual?? and maybe even more then that. I love him more then words can say... and when I say Love I feel like I am cheapen my feelings for him, because so many people throw those words around like nothing. I wish there was a bigger, better word for love... not adore... that word is gay shit. (any ideas?) I have found my fairytale. My prince is shinning armor.
Things with Kaylee, my sister, are getting better. We have hung out a few times and we don't fight nearly as much. Most days not at all. And I don't feel less then her, she doesn't put me down anymore. I actually have a good somewhat steady realationship building with my sister! GOOOOOO US!
Um.... anything else.... oh yeah Rob's party is this Saturday, and so is our anniversary.
5 WHOLE FRIGGING MONTHS! I got this relationship shit going on! I have no idea why I couldn't have one before.... I was dumb! (No I wasn't dumb, I just hadn't found the right guy!) hahaha oh and about the party.... Jen and Pam are gonna be there, and maybe Jazz too. This is gonna be a good party.... hahahaha I promise to be on my best behaviour and to act like a big girl and to not be a bitch... first. LOL, nah this should be cool. The party is for Rob, it has nothing to do with all of us.
Question: Could you handle being in the same room with your b/f and all the girls he has had intimate relations with?
Answer: Yes. I hope so..............

Well all my darlings I must go. I am still waiting to hear from my mother..... but that doesn't look good. Hope all is well with all of you.

Oh and remember to SMILE... cause guys are less likely to stare at your boobs if you have a pretty smile... which you do!

-Nat-a-lee giggled about a boy at 8:32 AM Girly Giggles [ .]

Life brings unexpected surpirses that will make you smile

Funerals

Yeah yeah, what is up? haha I have no idea where that came from.
Living on my own this weeknd was cool. It has a few bumps last night, but with a little love and talking, it is all better.
I went to a funeral with Rob's family this morning for a woman I never met. It was a little awkard but I enjoyed the service as much as possible. I even sang one of the songs. I was there to show my respect and to hold Rob's hand.
In my last post, I said a bunch of stuff, and I am not even sure where it came from. I was in a weird mood, and feeling down about a bunch of crap. So please ignore it.
These damn olypmics are pissing me off! We still don't have a stinking medal! MONGOLIA has a medal and we don't! What the hell do they have in Mongolia? Apparently what it takes to get a medal! GRRRRRRR!
I have no idea what is up with my mom. I keep leaving messages, but nothing. She hasn't even written me, and she hasn't called or anything. What the fuck?
Well I must go, I am going shopping. I will write more later. Please keep in touch. Love you all!

-Nat-a-lee giggled about a boy at 10:10 PM Girly Giggles [ .]

Life brings unexpected surpirses that will make you smile

The first day you wake up alone

Tonight is the first night I am staying at my new place. I am scared, but excited. Tania is going to Montreal for the weekend and soemone needs to be there with Turbo.. the lucky person.... ME! We now have a phone line and the cable connected, so staying there won't be that bad. Only one problem, Rob is leaving soon, so he wants to spend as much time with everyone as possible, (which I totally understand and respect), but he doesn't want to spend the night at my place. Which sucks for me.
I am thinking that I will ask my sister Kaylee to stay with me. That might work. I don't want to be there all by myself.
I am hoping that Rob will stay there Saturday night with me. Maybe we can have a few people over and drink some beer or something.
I am almost completely moved in. I still techniqually live with Rob because that is where my toothbrush is and all of my clothes, plus it is his bed I sleep in everynight.
Until he leaves for school, I want to sleep with him! I love waking up in the morning, or afternoon, and having him right there beside me. So I can curl up to him, bump my head off his head, and feel his body close to mine. I was lying in bed with him last night and I started to cry. I am scared. I am scared that he is going to go and meet all these new people and make so many new friends and not have time for me. Or even worse meet some girl who is prettier and smarter then me and he will fall in love with her. I know it is foolish and that he loves me A LOT but I am still scared. I can close my eyes and see my whole fairytale with him, I am just scared to loose that. His party is next weekend. I'll be there.... will you? He leaves in 19 days.......
I know that my relationship with him is special. But yet I know that I will never have the connection he has with her. I am ok with that. We have our own connection. She, too, was my friend for a good length of time (and hopefully again), but between the two of them, I feel lost. They have this thing, in their minds maybe, ESP, where even their comments on blogs manage to make me feel completely out of place. Like she will always understand him better and they have this closeness that I can never atain. I am not saying that she is saying that, that is not it AT ALL. This is enitrely the way I feel. I can't even begin to know why I feel this way, maybe it is jealously, maybe it is insecurity, whatever the reason I feel less close to him. I just want to understand his mind the way she does. Maybe my intelligence is lacking, or possible my way of thinking is still at a childish level. Somedays I think it might be. I am not even sure why I am telling you this, this makes me vulnerable. Plus I want them to be friends again. He misses her, and so do I.
I am going to start volunteering at the hospital again. I can't wait. It will be my way of giving back to the community and something to fill my time. I hope I can go back to the PEDS unit. (the little kids) I am going to call there right now, so I must go my little darlings... as the internet is throught the phone line, and I must place some calls out!
One more thing: I have a new address, and a new phone number, so if you would like it to mail me letters... HINT HINT HINT... or to call me, then just ask for it.
Hold your head up high because with your head down everything will seem dark, when the brightness of the sun is just a movement away. Follwo your dreams, you deserve all the happiness in the world. Search for it, seek it out, and once you find, EMBRACE it and enjoy it! xoxoxox

-Nat-a-lee giggled about a boy at 9:32 AM Girly Giggles [ .]

Life brings unexpected surpirses that will make you smile

How do you choose?

How do you choose between your boyfriend and your family?
Let me explain:
On August 21st, My family is having a corn roast. It is a big family event where lots of people from my dad's side get together and party, plus it is my cousin Amie's surprise birthday party. I haven't been in a couple years, and I know this year is really important to dad cause Kaylee and Cody will be there, and he will finally have his whole family. I haven't seen a lot of my family since I have been back and this would be a good time to catch up with all of them. I was stoked to go and bring Rob so I could be the girl who brags about how amazing her boyfriend is. This would be the first year I had a boyfriend at one of these things. (I haven't been to many though) I am proud of Rob and I am proud of us. I want him to meet everyone. But this is where things get sticky.
On August 21st Rob's family is throwing him a CONGRATS party ofr getting into College. It is like a big fund-raiser to help pay for the expensive ways of post-secondary education. His family and friends are all going to be there (we are hoping.... to that friend he hasn't seen in a while, he wants to invite you, but isn't sure what you would say... so do you wanna come?) and it is only right as his girlfriend to be there. You only have a party like this once, and it is very important to him.
So how do I decide? I have made up my mind and I am going with Rob. As a wise man once said, the love of your life gets into college once, and your family will have another corn roast next year. I just hope my dad will understand.

On another note.... I miss Courtney really bad these last few days. I read her blog and it was almost as if she read my mind. I miss you hunny!

I am still slowly moving my stuff in. I love my space! It is beautiful, becasue it is mine! I took our (as in Tania and I) dog, Turbo, for a walk today. Well for the first bit he just pulled me along. But after that it was ok. Damn boy dogs and peeing on EVERY tree!

Work is going really good. Head office is in tomorrow, LUCKY US. hahaha

Ok... Rob is home now and I can go to sleep... hope all is well. xoxoxoxox

-Nat-a-lee giggled about a boy at 11:45 PM Girly Giggles [ .]

Life brings unexpected surpirses that will make you smile

Ahhh the sweet jucie of living on your own!

Deep breath.... awww, the sweet juices of freedom! It comes with a price (750 a month) but I embrace the jucies running down my chin with a grin and smile because success shall be mine!
So yeah, today I moved some more of my stuff into my CONDO! I would have got more of it done, but I locked my keys into my dad's place and couldn't get the rest of my stuff out. (Good job me!) So it's not all in there yet, and I am still sleeping at Rob's but I love just being there, washing dishes that are my own and being in a place that I can finally call home, and mean it. I have so much junk, nothing really useful, but I guess all of that will come with time. But the thing that I love is knowing that I can just be alone if I want. I can do waht I want there and not have to answer to anyone. Tania, my darling roomate doesn't mind my wacky ways and her and I plan to party it up and live the high life! I think something about me moving might be bothering Rob. He just doesn't seem to share my excitement. I mean he would rather do nothing then help me move my stuff, or that is the impression I get. He tells me I can wait, but I just want to get it done. That way when he leaves for school, I have a room that is ready for me to sleep in. I dunno, maybe it is me over reading things and those aren't his emotions at all. I just need him to be there, to hold my hand and help me. I am scared to live on my own, and to be an adult. I am scared I am going to fail. And in this I am pushing him away. (Baby, I love you and I hope you forgive me for treating you like shit these past few days... I am not even sure what is wrong.)
I got an e-mail from my mom today, a short one saying all is well. I repsonded by telling her I would like to see her. Only time will tell I guess.
I am in this mood, I can't even explain it. I am down and grumpy, and nothing will shake it. I don't know what to do and every little thing just sinks me deeper into this mood. I hope it will pass soon, as I hate it very much!
I am bored of this blog now.. so I will write more when I actually care about what I am saying.. because right now I just want to go to bed and cry.

-Nat-a-lee giggled about a boy at 9:56 PM Girly Giggles [ .]

Life brings unexpected surpirses that will make you smile

Public Transit

Hello,
I realize now why I hate the bus. Don't get me wrong, the idea of public transit is a good thing, but when you stop to consider just who may be sharing the "luxury" of the bus, the idea isn't so great. Rob didn't have a car today, so I had to take the bus. I don't mind the bus, I even feel independant taking it, but having a smelly old man sitting to close, a creepy fat man with an eyebrow ring starring at your chest for 20 minutes and a weird old lady in a wheelchair telling me she is going to run me over... suddenly the 5 minutes it takes to dive to work with Rob in the car feels even more like heaven. (It already does... 5 minutes all alone with my baby.... makes me smile!) I was half an hour late for work, which yes was mostly my fault, but the bus is still toooo slow! So now by this time I have had to ride the bus, and didn't get sex this morning because I slept to late. Then I had to work till midnight. I was GRUMPY! Plus Rob got shit faced tonight, so... sex tonight... that is really amazing and not sloppy... not bloodly likely. (But drunken sex with Rob is still DAMN good!) It's Martha's 21st Birthday today. (August 7th) I know Brad screwed it up already. I wonder if his less then adiquite gift will reedem himself.... doubt it! (For the record... he is passed out inside and Martha is outside.. still partying... without her so called boyfriend) I can't wait for Monday.... I am moving into my condo! Tania is already there living it up... in our condo.. which I found in a day! It amazes me that she looked soo hard and couldn't find a place to live but I look for a couple hours and find a place.... hmm... I dunno, maybe it is timing and atittude. But I love her and we are finally OFFICALLY roomies! Oh and tomorrow I am going out for breakfast with Rob and Shelby. Plus we are unpacking dad's attic to make Monday's moving a little easier.
In riding the bus I came to the conclusion that I have no friends. This is okay with me. (Okay... yes I do have friends... they jsut happen to be 5000km away.) Last night after work 3 people whom USED to be my friends were outside... I said a quite awkward hello and that was it. To be honest I want nothing to do with almost all of the people who were my "friend" when I left. Because to be blunt they are assholes.
But I must go... Sleep is my friend and I have a long day.. I work from 6 till 1am! Pray Rob gets a car so I can skip the adventure with the scary people! Plus I need sleep cause I am grumpy, stressed out mostly and I am taking it our on Rob, and he is being amazing and taking my shit. Maybe he just knows me well enough to know that I love him more then I can ever say and that I don't mean to hurt him. (I love you baby, and I wish we had of got married last weekend) To those who this.... hope all is well.

Why hasn't Coreena commented lately... maybe she doesn't love me anymore. Big shout outs to Sarah and Courtney... I miss you guys sooo much! Sarah have fun at the lake.... go to the island... play some football! hahahaha Courntey you best get your ass out here and visit me! Big hellos to everyone else who reads this. Hope all is well. I wish you health wealth and happiness!
xoxoxox

-Nat-a-lee giggled about a boy at 1:11 AM Girly Giggles [ .]

Life brings unexpected surpirses that will make you smile

My own CONDO!

I am moving into my own CONDO! I realized that I cannot stay with Rob's parents... for one that would be weird and for 2 they haven't been alone for over 20 years... so why would I ruin that? So in ONE DAY I looked at apartments and got my own condo that very same day! I am moving in on Monday cause that is my only day off! I am excited to live with Tania... and on my own, but scared as hell at the same time because I have never had to be that independant and I am scared of failing!
Rob is leaving for school in less then 25 days and i am doing everything to aviod it. I know he isn't going to be that far away but I can't imagine not seeing him everyday. It is going to be hard to not be with him.
My dad is on holidays for a week, he took my family with him, including Kaylee. I was supposed to go, but I had to work, so that was that! Things with Kaylee are getting better. We are working on being sisters, not enemies...which is nice cause I hate kicking her ass! haha
Work is going well. I am doing a kick ass job! I might be able to go full time... other wise I am going to have to get a new job to be able to pay my rent. I might work at Central (for those in BC... that is a grocery store!) full time.. with Rob's mom, but we shall see.
But there is beer here, and it needs to be drunk.. and I vote ME! so I am going to go.. I shall write more later! see y'all
I miss thsoe in BC.. and I love y'all lots and I shall see ya soon!
xoxoxoxoxox

-Nat-a-lee giggled about a boy at 8:21 PM Girly Giggles [ .]

Life brings unexpected surpirses that will make you smile