The first day you wake up alone

Tonight is the first night I am staying at my new place. I am scared, but excited. Tania is going to Montreal for the weekend and soemone needs to be there with Turbo.. the lucky person.... ME! We now have a phone line and the cable connected, so staying there won't be that bad. Only one problem, Rob is leaving soon, so he wants to spend as much time with everyone as possible, (which I totally understand and respect), but he doesn't want to spend the night at my place. Which sucks for me.
I am thinking that I will ask my sister Kaylee to stay with me. That might work. I don't want to be there all by myself.
I am hoping that Rob will stay there Saturday night with me. Maybe we can have a few people over and drink some beer or something.
I am almost completely moved in. I still techniqually live with Rob because that is where my toothbrush is and all of my clothes, plus it is his bed I sleep in everynight.
Until he leaves for school, I want to sleep with him! I love waking up in the morning, or afternoon, and having him right there beside me. So I can curl up to him, bump my head off his head, and feel his body close to mine. I was lying in bed with him last night and I started to cry. I am scared. I am scared that he is going to go and meet all these new people and make so many new friends and not have time for me. Or even worse meet some girl who is prettier and smarter then me and he will fall in love with her. I know it is foolish and that he loves me A LOT but I am still scared. I can close my eyes and see my whole fairytale with him, I am just scared to loose that. His party is next weekend. I'll be there.... will you? He leaves in 19 days.......
I know that my relationship with him is special. But yet I know that I will never have the connection he has with her. I am ok with that. We have our own connection. She, too, was my friend for a good length of time (and hopefully again), but between the two of them, I feel lost. They have this thing, in their minds maybe, ESP, where even their comments on blogs manage to make me feel completely out of place. Like she will always understand him better and they have this closeness that I can never atain. I am not saying that she is saying that, that is not it AT ALL. This is enitrely the way I feel. I can't even begin to know why I feel this way, maybe it is jealously, maybe it is insecurity, whatever the reason I feel less close to him. I just want to understand his mind the way she does. Maybe my intelligence is lacking, or possible my way of thinking is still at a childish level. Somedays I think it might be. I am not even sure why I am telling you this, this makes me vulnerable. Plus I want them to be friends again. He misses her, and so do I.
I am going to start volunteering at the hospital again. I can't wait. It will be my way of giving back to the community and something to fill my time. I hope I can go back to the PEDS unit. (the little kids) I am going to call there right now, so I must go my little darlings... as the internet is throught the phone line, and I must place some calls out!
One more thing: I have a new address, and a new phone number, so if you would like it to mail me letters... HINT HINT HINT... or to call me, then just ask for it.
Hold your head up high because with your head down everything will seem dark, when the brightness of the sun is just a movement away. Follwo your dreams, you deserve all the happiness in the world. Search for it, seek it out, and once you find, EMBRACE it and enjoy it! xoxoxox

-Nat-a-lee giggled about a boy at 9:32 AM Girly Giggles [ .]

Life brings unexpected surpirses that will make you smile